Those Advice given by My Father That Helped Us during my time as a New Parent

"In my view I was just just surviving for a year."

Former Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey expected to handle the challenges of being a father.

However the actual experience soon proved to be "utterly different" to what he'd imagined.

Serious health problems during the birth saw his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into becoming her primary caregiver in addition to caring for their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

Following 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he needed help.

The simple words "You aren't in a good spot. You must get some help. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His situation is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. Although society is now more comfortable discussing the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the challenges fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan thinks his challenges are linked to a broader reluctance to open up amongst men, who often hold onto negative notions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the fortress that just takes the pounding and remains standing with each wave."

"It's not a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that soon enough," he adds.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a specialist focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's chat with his dad provided him with the opportunity to take a pause - going on a few days away, outside of the family home, to see things clearly.

He came to see he required a adjustment to focus on his and his partner's emotions in addition to the logistical chores of caring for a newborn.

When he opened up to Louise, he realised he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -reassuring touch and hearing her out.

Self-parenting

That insight has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now penning Leo regular notes about his experiences as a dad, which he wishes his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotional life and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The notion of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen did not have reliable male guidance. Despite having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, deep-held trauma resulted in his father had difficulty managing and was "in and out" of his life, affecting their connection.

Stephen says repressing feelings led him to make "poor actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in drink and drugs as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to behaviours that aren't helpful," he says. "They may temporarily change how you are feeling, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Strategies for Coping as a New Dad

• Talk to someone - when you are overwhelmed, tell a friend, your other half or a counsellor about your state of mind. Doing so may to ease the pressure and make you feel less isolated.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or playing video games.
• Look after the physical health - nutritious food, staying active and if you can, resting, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other first-time fathers - listening to their stories, the messy ones, as well as the good ones, can help to validate how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help is not failure - taking care of your own well-being is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen naturally had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "continue the chain" with his own son and instead offer the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become better, healthier men since they acknowledged their issues, altered how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I expressed that in a message to Leo recently," Ryan adds. "I said, on occasion I believe my job is to guide and direct you on life, but in reality, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are on this path."